I was a bit bored today, so I went through some old emails I had stored away. Seems I've been a wise ass for a long time. I've copied some of the better quotes from these emails below:

Email exchange with a friend discussing my usual preparation for playing paintball:
"My friend in NY usually watches Full Metal Jacket while he cleans and preps his gun. He is usually reciting the poem from the movie "this is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is mine..."

I usually just gear up and stare at myself in the mirror and repeat over and over, "you are a absolute badass! But chicks still dig your sensitive side"

Response to my buddy's comment about how he's so tough he rips tags off mattresses at Sears:
"I usually pick up those tags and make diapers for midgets. I then make them run around as living targets so I can hone my paintball skills, the ones that avoid being shot, I then kick in the ass :)"

My one friend commenting on Netscape back when they were semi-relevant:
"Netscape's solution to most security breaches is to limit functionality. So you have a product that doesn't do shit, but is secure."

Unknown poster on a newsgroup:
"I always wanted to be an assassin. The idea of lining up some poor slob who shouldn't be consuming air and water in the first place in my sights and ending his worthless existence always appealed to me."

Old Bill Gates quote:
"The one thing Apple's providing now is leadership in colors," Gates said as he pointed out a red-colored Intel-based personal computer on display. "It won't take long for us to catch up with that, I don't think."

posted by WarWolf at 5:14 PM 0 comments

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